Maddy Douglass

Knitter, lawyer, and safer beauty advocate in San Francisco. 

Loves coffee, crafting, and cheese plates.  


Be All There



 I've been thinking lately about timing. Or rather, time. How short life can be, how long life can be, when things happen and why they might happen at that time and not another time... whether we make our own fate, or if things are predetermined? Is it an outline of events or interactions or people coming into your life, or is it an exact rendering of the future?

If we do, in fact, make our own fate, does this mean we have a right to do with it what we will? Do we owe anything to anybody with our time?

I have always prided myself on being able to enjoy the smaller moments in life. Sipping that perfect cup of coffee while listening to the rain, feeling the silky texture of beautiful fabric, the wind whipping through your hair on a bike or a boat or a train or standing on a hilltop surveying the land below - these moments have meaning, and value, all of their own. But it feels like this generation, my generation, has been programmed to try to turn that moment into some kind of future value add. If the coffee cup, or the fabric, or the wind, can't be turned into an app or an idea for a blog post, then what is it worth? Do we appreciate these things enough? Do we try to commodify the world too much?

Maybe that's too cynical of a view, and maybe this all has to do with where I am in my life, and the pressure I (and I think many of my peers) feel to "figure it all out" right now and set up a plan. But, what if the plan is to have no plan? I'm at a job I never could have predicted I'd have, working with people I can't believe I'd never have met without this job, and having the time of my life. So, does the fact that this job is temporary mean that I shouldn't be enjoying the time I have here, that I should be always looking ahead, always planning my next move? Or is taking time to enjoy this job and this place and these people, a situation that is by no means permanent and which could change at any minute really, the better way? If something is not meant to last forever, is it better to plan for the eventual end or to enjoy the now? Wow, that sounds depressing. You get what I'm saying though.

If I get to choose, I choose the now. I choose to live life in the moment - not to hide from the future, or ignore the realities of life (like putting money into an emergency account in case I have to pay rent without an income) but to enjoy each day as it comes, each experience, each joy. I am grateful for the little moments and I revel in them.

Maybe this is a product of my position in life - maybe the fact that I even have the ability to appreciate "the now" is due to the knowledge that I'll have food on the table at night, that I make enough right now to pay my bills, that my family won't let me starve or be homeless or go without medical care. Maybe this entire post appreciates something that many people don't have the luxury of even thinking about - present vs. future, long term planning vs. getting through each day. But, maybe that's exactly the point - you don't need money to live in the now, whatever your "now" is. You don't need privilege to appreciate quiet, peaceful moments. You don't need to have a certain station or education or skills to will yourself into happiness. You don't need material things to be fully present in life. You only get one.

Life is just what it is, in the best way possible. Life is just life. Maybe the meaning of life is simply to live it, to go through each experience, each day, and let it change you and for you to try to change it...hopefully for the better.

Maybe there isn't such a thing as timing. Maybe things just happen and your life is a product of what you make of these happenings. If that's true, then I don't know what I ever did to deserve such good karma, but thank you Universe. I appreciate it greatly, and I will try to keep making the most of it!

High Five for Friday: 11/15

Knit Two Together: Works in Progress